


Two, Three, Four, Tell The People What He Wore

by timmydrakewings, xvivon



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfamily, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Jason Todd Deserves Better, One Shot, Toddler Damian Wayne, bikini ra’s, chaotic collabs, no beta we die like jason todd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26701255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timmydrakewings/pseuds/timmydrakewings, https://archiveofourown.org/users/xvivon/pseuds/xvivon
Summary: It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini.That he wore for the first time today.An itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini.So in the water he wanted to stay.
Relationships: Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Ra's al Ghul & Jason Todd, Talia al Ghul & Damian Wayne, Talia al Ghul & Jason Todd
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	Two, Three, Four, Tell The People What He Wore

**Author's Note:**

> A collab I did with my wonderful friend/online parent Skye! Please enjoy, the wonderfully dressed, pinnacle of fashion, the one and only bikini Ra’s.  
> >:)

Jason had been in the League for about a year or two when Talia called him into her quarters. She told him that, “All of her bikinis went missing,” and that “Someone must be punished for this,” since it was one of her favorites that disappeared. An itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini.

Jason sneaks around the base looking for the person that dared to enter Talia’s quarters and steal her clothes. 

What kind of maniac would do that, and for a swimsuit?

No matter, he was going to find the perpetrator. There WILL be justice dammit. 

He figured searching in the base would be a good place to start. That was more probable than it laying on the grass or something. He passed through the hallways, he’d already been in Talia’s chambers, and a swimsuit probably wouldn’t be stored in the kitchen. Maybe the training area?

Talia spends a lot of time there, maybe she set it down and forgot about it until now. Though she isn’t the type to just leave things in places and immediately forget about them. Was it a servant? No, they would know the consequences for stealing something of Talia’s. 

_What if it was Ra’s?_

Nah, the crazy old man isn’t _that_ crazy. That would look just awful on him, and he’s all about presentation. Perhaps Mara could’ve done it, though it’s unlikely considering she’s reluctant to lay a hand on anything Talia has touched; much less an article of clothing that belongs to her. And Damian isn’t a fan of bikinis from what he could tell. Was it an animal or something? The little brat brings home a bunch of pets, maybe one of them took it to build a nest or whatever.

He entered the room, only for it to be the same as always. Nice, neat, tight, and orderly, just as the Al Ghuls liked it. No stray supplies or weaponry that would be disturbed if anyone were to break in. And, no itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikinis.

_Where could it be then?_

He exited the room as silently as he entered. Guess he’ll have to look somewhere else. Maybe one of the staff tried to wash it? But it’s the start of summer, and Talia hasn’t been swimming yet so it wasn’t dirty. It might have been misplaced when they came to collect her clothes though.

Wandering the many hallways in the base, he realized how many places this bikini could be. It could be anywhere, in what seemed like an infinite area.

He stepped into the laundry room and saw the washer and dryer already going. If he was right about it being in here, and it wasn’t set with the other clothes, it might be mid-wash already.

_Well he better get started._

He started searching through the assortments of dirty and clean laundry set aside on a table. Robes, dresses, t-shirts, and uniforms filled the piles. He tried to focus on the yellow clothes, but there weren’t all that many. Should he ruin the nice neat stacks of washed and unwashed clothes that someone must have taken some time to create?

_Well he’s already here so-_

He goes through the piles for the second time, and still, nothing. He made quite a mess of them, so he fixed it to the best of his ability. Then, pressed his face up near the window part of the washer. Unfortunately, he didn’t see the swimsuit in there either.

_Well shit._

Did she leave it in the armory?

_Talia better appreciate him doing this…_

He looked into the armory, figuring that they could have hidden it in there, it was the last place she would have stored her swimwear. But after one of the guards wandered in, trying to figure out why he was rummaging through the armor, he had to go. He had found nothing in there, and he wasn’t about to get into conflict with a guard over nothing.

He even used all the skills he’d gained as Robin and over his time with the league to poke his head into the womens washrooms, but it wasn’t there either.

_What’d it do, get up and walk away?_

He tried to cover as much ground as he could, running into random rooms and taking a quick glance, before leaving and repeating the process. Maybe if he looked through all of them it’d be in there? No such luck.

Just as he was about to leave the last room in that hallway, something caught his eye. Something white and yellow, small…

_AHAH-_

Nope, he was wrong, it was just a handkerchief. Damn.

Maybe it _is_ outside?

Searching inside hasn’t gotten him very far, it’s not like looking outside would've hurt. He walked out the exit and onto the ground outside. He does a good amount of looking around before venturing closer near the pool. 

Scanning the area he sees...an elderly man in a yellow bikini? Jason looked away and back, hoping he saw that wrong. Unfortunately not, in the distance was an old man standing with no shame, in the revealing yellow swimsuit. 

_Well he wasn’t expecting that…_

Since when did the demons head, the all powerful, the immortal Ra’s Al Ghul wear his daughters clothing? And why in the open?

_Is that Talia with him? Oh fuck...oh no Damian too-_

He hesitantly approached them, this wasn’t happening right? Ra’s wore elegant, regal clothing, like the fancy robes and armor that he saw as casual. He wouldn’t wear something so revealing.

_He really doesn’t pull that off…_

“Ah Jason, how nice of you to join us.” Ra’s grinned.

Talia was _seething._

“Father, why did you steal my bikinis again? We’ve been over this, you _CAN GET YOUR OWN._ ”  
  


“But I look fabulous in yours.”

Damian spoke, “Grandfather you most certainly _do not_.”

“Why of course I do, don’t you agree Jason?”

Was he supposed to respond to that? Did the guy know he looked like a fashion nightmare? An utter disaster? That caused much disappointment to anyone remotely interested in the world of clothing design?

“You look...swell.” He hesitantly responded, not knowing if he was about to burst out in laughter or tears.

“Well it’s settled then, I look fabulous and will continue to wear such clothing.”

Talia has it at that, you could see it on her face. But, she stayed quiet, holding in her thoughts of how outrageous the outfit was.

“Shield your eyes my son,” She whispered to Damian, placing her hand over his eyes. Okay enough is enough, if Ra’s wants to prance around in a bikini, let him have at it, but not in front of the kiddo.

_Time for them to bounce._

And so they did, passing the many guards, assassins, and fashion disasters. They finally neared the exit. Only for Jason to realize…

_He wanted his own bikini now too._

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This was something we started back in late July, and well, we got sidetracked. But, I’m known as an angst gremlin and bikini ra’s bitch! So I felt as it was my duty to write. And I bothered Skye while they were trying to be productive (sorry but you’re the one who asked for this). So yeah, please go drink some water. Tell the people what he wore, and have a great morning/afternoon/night 
> 
> bbbbyyyyyyeeeeeeeee!!!!
> 
> go bother me on tumblr - [xvivon](https://xvivon.tumblr.com/)  
> go bother skye in general - [timmydrakewings](https://timmydrakewings.tumblr.com/)


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